If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex in the box?So what's bothering you? If you have a question that's just drivingHow did a fool and his money get together in the first place?
Why is abbreviation such a long word?
Why do they call it a television set when you only get one?
If nothing sticks to Teflon, how do they stick the Teflon on the pan?
Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow sign?
How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Why does "food for thought" so often give me a stomache ache?
Is it OK to yell "MOVIE!" in a crowded Firehouse?
If a mall has signs that say "no pets" on every door, how can they have a pet store inside?
Why are the freeways like parking lots and the parking lots like freeways?
Why isn't "phonetic" spelled that way?
Why is dyslexic so hard to spell?
Why does sour cream have a "use-by" date?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Why are there braile instructions at the drive up ATM?
Bumper sticker: "Don't eat tuna, save the dolphins."
Wouldn't "Save the Tuna" take care of both?
Why is freight on a ship called a "cargo" and freight
on a truck is called a "shipment?"
What's another word for "thesaurus?"
Why is it tennis if it is played by only two or four people?
Why is it a pair of panties but only one bra?
If you pull the wings off a fly, does it become a walk?
Why do men have nipples?
After you drink a beer, where does the yellow go?
And another concerned reader (with evidently more problems that I have) has submitted this list of what she calls "Seinfeldians"...
1. He who laughs last, thinks slowest. : :
2. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't
have film. : :
3. A day without sunshine is like ... night. : :
4. On the other hand, you have different fingers. : :
5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. : :
6. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. : :
7. When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty. : :
8. Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it. : :
9. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. : :
10. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. : :
11. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you
say will be
misquoted
then used against you. : :
12. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges. : :
13. Honk if you love peace & quiet. : :
14. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how
it remains so
popular? : :
15. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool. : :
16. It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised
its burial cost and
blamed it on
the cost of living. : :
17. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance
of getting
something
right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
18. It is said that if you line up all the cars in
the world end to
end, someone
would be stupid enough to try and pass them. : :
19. You can't have everything, where would you put it? : :
20. Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make
up 75% of the
world's population.
: :
21. The things that come to those who wait are usually
the things left
by those
who got there first. : :
22. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. :
23. It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats. :
24. I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few. : :
25. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it. : :
26. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some
people appear
bright until
you hear them speak.
